Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Germany.

Country: Germany
Singer: S!sters
Song: Sisters
Personal Score: 41 out of 41
My Prediction: Auto Qualifier

I think Germany needs to change their selection process because this wasn’t anyone’s favorite song, and it was actually 5th or 6th with the audience and yet still won? There’s a lot about this song that just does not work for me. The staging, which I assume they’ll likely keep at Eurovision, is boring so I hope they’ll consider something else. The outfits give me little information and are of no interest. The topic of the song was never going to be a hit with me. The two women singing are…something. Their voices never really blend, they spend a lot of time singing past each other and really screeching out most of their notes with some shaky trilling and that doesn’t work for me. The song plods along without much resolution or build. I think at the end of the day they might have been trying for an empowerment vibe (a la Toy) and missed the mark by a mile because it just doesn’t read that way. I don’t know if this can be changed in any meaningful way to work but since Germany auto qualifies and they had a good placing last year I’m not sure they really care if this probably ends up in last place.

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: France.

Country: France
Singer: Bilal Hassani
Song: Roi
Personal Score: 7 out of 41
My Prediction: Auto Qualifier

I was really pleasantly surprised by this song. France is a little hit or miss for me but this is a bunch of hits. The only real problem with this song is that Bilal didn’t really look like he was 100% for 200 million eyes to be on him. I find this song very easy to remember and catchy in the right way where I find myself humming it around the house. The mix of French and English lyrics is pretty much perfect, something for everyone. Love the message, hope the staging will be a little better and I hope that Bilal works on his vocal performance and delivery since it’s not a shy song and it needs to be delivered with a lot of gusto. I hope that so many people around him causes a swell in pride that lets this song shine as much as the artist.

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Finland.

Country: Finland
Singer: Darude feat. Sebastian Rejman
Song: Look Away
Personal Score: 18 out of 41
My Prediction: NQ

Darude has been making commercial music for the past 20 years and honestly this is a well crafted song that is both surprisingly contemporary for a man who is approaching “old people” territory but it’s also not exactly the world’s most engaging piece of music either. Sebastian needs a few notes on his performance (mostly he has adopted a really confusing power stance) but the performance a whole sold me a little more on the song. I don’t think is a qualifier though because of the dark undertones in the song and the message of environmentalism – as important as that is I’m not a Eurovision audience is really going to vibe with that. I’ve been wrong before and Hungary has gotten a few good turns with “issue” songs that surprised me. The building tension in Look Away isn’t about to make anyone go completely wild on the dance floor but it’s memorable and solid and Finland should be really proud of their choice.

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Estonia.

Country: Estonia
Singer: Victor Crone
Song: Storm
Personal Score: 18 out of 41
My Prediction: Q

Make no mistake. I do not want this song for Estonia. I voted for a different song (two different songs!) and I don’t really want it to qualify either but Estonia is in the easier for the two semi finals and the song is passable and the staging (if it stays) is pretty good so it’s likely it’ll squeeze by in 8th or 9th place just barely passing something I actually like. I know I rated it 18th out of 41st and that’s because I hear an idealized version in my head but as it’s performed…is another story.

In summary of this performance I have to say: O Lord, please grant me the confidence of a mediocre white man who thinks he is hitting notes he is getting nowhere near.

In theory he could figure out how to actually sing this song in the next month but in reality the recorded version of this track and all the live performances I have seen of it have the same vocal tics and issues that made me cringe when I heard it the first time. The song itself is a cute Eurovision bait song and it’s such a travesty that a nation full of great singers is sending a Swedish man who is way out of his depth. He is trying to channel Justs’ “Heartbeat” look but fails at that even. Honestly I expect this song to come 4th place in Melodifestivalen but that kind of music DOES play well at Eurovision so I think it will do well despite…short comings.

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Denmark

Country: Denmark
Singer: Leonora
Song: Love is Forever
Personal Score: 32 out of 41
My Prediction: NQ

Now here’s something a little different. I assume this is supposed to be a sweet “we are all one and we all love the same” song but the style which mimics both a very simple musical number but also a sort of French diddy feeling ends up in a really muddled space for me. The delivery also leaves me…uncomfortable. The staging effect of her sitting in a giant chair is fine but Leonora stares into the camera like she’s just got someone trapped in her basement and is holding them there against their will. I don’t think this will qualify because it’s a little too simple and too sweet but that’s been Denmark’s specialty since 2014 with mixed results. Certainly singing in four languages (English, German, Danish, and French) will tweak a few heartstrings but otherwise this song feels more like a platitude than anything real. If it qualifies it won’t shock me as peace is a good goal but there’s just something about it that rubs me in all the wrong ways.

I know when people talk about plastic music they’re mostly referring to pop songs that just mimic other pop songs but this is the type of song I think about: a song made for no reason other than to coolly appeal to people who want to think they’re very magnanimous. When it turns out they’re just doing it for the likes (or in this case the douze points) :/

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Czech Republic.

Country: Czech Republic
Singer: Lake Malawi
Song: Friend of a Friend
Personal Score: 8 out of 41
My Prediction: Q

There is something strangely charming about this song even though it’s also got the Czech Republic’s new MO of “greatest f*ckboi nation of all time” written all over it. Following in Mikolas’ footsteps was always going to be difficult as he’d been the front runner for some of the betting leading up to Eurovision but this song fits in pretty nicely. This rides the line between an upbeat emo song and today’s easy listening indie sound. The earnest delivery of what are simultaneously cheesy and cringey lyrics sells this for me. I actually didn’t care for this song at all until I saw it live at the Ukraine National Final wherein the easy going feel of the band and how excited they were to be on stage kind of ended up selling me. The song is a bit one note but that helps because it’s strong hook and easy to guess lyrics make it a complete ear worm and there’s almost nothing better than saying the “I’m only a friend” part. I can see this easily paired with a cheerful colorful staging (I envision something like Iceland 2014 ‘s “No Prejudice“) than it’ll likely make it to the final based on its easy listening vibes which should be popular with young and old.

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Cyprus.

Country: Cyprus
Singer: Tamta
Song: Replay
Personal Score: 10 out of 41
My Prediction: Q

Those maniacs, they did it again!

Cyprus isn’t even pretending that thing song isn’t just Fuego 2.0 and there’s something commendable in being that open about it. I mean the song is not just a replay of last year but it’s literally called Replay. Beyond that, this is a BOP. I’m pretty interested to see if Tamta can pull this off live as well as Eleni did last year. If it’s even half as good it’ll easily qualify since it’s very contemporary but also fairly interesting as a song – it has the bombastic beat that is so popular right now.

I think the best part of this song is that it has a lot of places that the staging can go. I think this will be a really fun and bright number on stage and it should have a lot of popular vote power but I’m also not sure how receptive the jury will be to this so it could end up mid-board but either way it’s likely smooth sailing to the finals and that’s important for the tiny island nation.

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Croatia.

Country: Croatia
Singer: Roko
Song: The Dream
Personal Score: 26 out of 41
My Prediction: NQ

There is no doubt that Roko can sing. The problem is not Roko at all. Roko is crushing it. Roko is living his best life. Roko is ascending to heaven right of those $10 party store wings. The problem is literally absolutely everything else in this entry. I think the major offender here is that this is such a dated song, its so dated that it would have CRUSHED Eurovision in 1996. Next up, the outfit isn’t working with the vibe of the song and his haircut honestly says “douche” more than anything and the stage presentation is just plain lazy. Croatia has said they’re changing absolutely nothing about this performance so what you see in the video is what we’re going to get but I’m still holding out hope that someone comes along and decides that it needs so much changing. For such a dramatic song it has such a boring visual that I often clock out about halfway through the song and just stare into space.

This song is very close to Iceland’s song last year (also by a very talented 19 year old singing a song that would have been wildly popular nearly a decade before he was born) and no matter how hard this may be trying for jury bait it’s going to fall short in a contest full of great voice. We know Croatia can put on a good show though, so hopefully someone wakes up and restyles this but otherwise , it’s probably a non-qualification for Croatia.

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Belgium.

Country: Belgium
Singer: Eliot
Song: Wake Up
Personal Score: 33 out of 41
My Prediction: NQ

This song is actually kind of interesting musically because it reminds me of a handful of mid-1980’s song and his voice is distinctly reminiscent of Sting in the opening section but honestly once it switches to the “chorus” its just kind of a boring song. The problem is that the plodding beat in the background never really resolves into anything. This is a song that you might listen to on the radio because it’s too much effort to change but even though you’ve heard it 20 times you don’t any of the words or the name of the artist. I’m also a little puzzled by the music video because they choose to keep the focus on other people and then ALSO, to add insult to injury, ended with a close up on someone else.

While I agree music has tended in this direction (on the radio at least) for the last few years the problems is that its completely forgettable. If they showed up in an insurance commercial I wouldn’t even blink. Despite the video seeming to be about…women I guess? The lyrics don’t really key me into any big themes either. I get a whole lot of nothing out of this song and since it’s not vocally challenging and has basically no hook, I think this is a hard sell at Eurovision especially if it ends up next to anything with a good beat.

Hello welcome to my series of quick takes designed to get you ready for Eurovision 2019. Just some quick thoughts / my take on each of the 41 songs this year. The countries are in alphabetical order so without further ado: Belarus.

Country: Belarus
Singer: ZENA
Song: Like it
Personal Score: 40 out of 41
My Prediction: NQ

This song is a mess. I’m very surprised that the Belarus national final version is the video for this. Zena seems like a very nice girl who just isn’t quite ready for a big stage. While she has some time to get ahold of her vocals, I just don’t see this song ever coming together. Mashing beats, repetitive and squeaky chorus, and a terrible case of mush mouth making all of her lyrics blend together this song is what would happen if you tried to play “Toy” and “Fuego” at the same time and it is UGLY. The national final performance was basically constantly off-time and the performance is kind of difficult to watch but even assuming they get that under control this sounds more like a San Marino entry than something Belarus should be giving us.

I doubt that the staging will change from the national final, and even if it does, I don’t think it’s going to add much to this piece of pop fluff but I wish Zena a lot of luck in her future career.